Becoming Assertive for Success in Life
As a child you did not agree with what your friends were doing but you went along because you did not want to annoy them.
You often feel controlled by your friends and family.
You often perform tasks at work place which you should not be. It takes a toll on your family life and you are not left with any time, or energy to invest in personal growth.
You are unable to say, “No” to people.
Your problem is not unique. It affects your self esteem and self confidence. You are constantly being run over by people. You need to be more assertive. The good news is that you can become more assertive. It will, however, take time. The change cannot be affected by superficial behaviour, or communication. In this article, “Becoming Assertive for Success in Life” I have explained the methodology for becoming assertive.
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident but not being aggressive.You respect your rights and views. You express them clearly. You respect the rights and views of others equally. You do not allow others to ignore your rights and views.
First Step to Becoming Assertive
The vital first step to becoming assertive is to build self confidence and self esteem. This is the essential base on which assertive behaviour can be built upon. Do not believe the short cut approach being promoted in self help and motivation books. Adoption of assertive behaviour by a person having low self esteem will lack congruence and consistency. He will himself be confused and naturally send confused messages to others with his at times aggressive and at times passive behaviour. The problem has to be tackled from the root and not outward behaviour. Please read my blog, “How to Increase Self Confidence” to improve self confidence to get insights into improving self confidence.
Second Step to Becoming Assertive
The first step is more difficult than the first. This step is easier. In fact being assertive is the natural behaviour of a confident person. We will assume that you are accustomed to behaving passively. You are comfortable with your behaviour and more importantly others expect you to behave as such!
You have to now start expressing your views calmly, clearly, firmly and politely. You will notice a change in yourself and so will others. Please be consistent!
Points to Remember in Being Assertive
- It is vital to understand the meaning of assertiveness.
- Assertive responses are rational and thought out and not impulsive ones.
- Impulsive responses are likely to be aggressive.
- In a onetime type situation it is better to be passive than aggressive. Example: Your boss asked you to do something just one time (which was not in your job description 90%, but could have been 10%). It is better to do the work.
- When you consistently find yourself in disagreeable situations then it is time to assert your rights and views.
- Assertiveness is never impolite.
- Assertiveness means understanding others’ perspective first and clarifying your perspective to them for mutual benefit, fairness and justice.
- Assertiveness is a vital quality required in job interviews, group discussions and SSB.
Conclusion: Being More Assertive
By being assertive you are being fair and just to others as well as yourself. It is always good to be assertive.
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